Girl-Woman-Beauty-Brains-Blog

The Lazy Woman's Guide To Midlife Reinvention is brought to you by our entertaining and witty blogger Karen Hamilton.  Karen offers five tips to to make your midlife reinvention go a little more unwrinkled -- I mean smoothly.

Laugh and celebrate midlife with Karen.

TGIF! The week is over, so grab a glass of wine and sit back and laugh a little.

(Find Girl-Woman-Beauty-Brains-Blog on The Best Kept Secret.)

You Say Breast Augmentation...

You say midlife-crisis. I say Thursday. Read more.

This week's brains on humor is brought to you by our witty friend Karen Hamilton, Age 46.

Occupation: Housewife Homemaker Merlot drinking stay-at-home middle aged mother with nasty shopping habit Homemaker

I should be enjoying my holidays at the cottage but a recent run-in with a popcorn kernel has sent me to the emergency dental clinic in a nearby town. As I sit in the waiting room, hopped up on Advil and finding myself vaguely entertained by my tongue as it gets intimate with the hole that used to house my tooth, I work on completing the New Patient Information form the receptionist has handed me.

Address: and Phone Number: are straightforward enough but I can’t help but stumble when I get to Age: and Occupation:.

“Well, yes, technically I am a 46 year-old homemaker,” I want to explain to the chipper, young receptionist, “but I’m so much smarter, funnier and more fashionable than that.”

I glance at my cottage attire – brown rubber flip-flops the dog cut her puppy teeth on, baggy black bathing suit with elastic fraying around the left leg opening and faded terry-cloth shorts and t-shirt that I generously describe as my “cover-up”. Well, I’m smarter and funnier.

I toy with the idea of putting down “Home wrecker” as my occupation. It carries way more cachet and if I’m ever called on it, I can always claim it was a Freudian slip.

Neither the age nor the occupation question would bother me all that much if the form demanded I answer just one or the other. I can happily imagine myself as a pert, young housewife a la Mary Tyler Moore in her Laura Petrie days. And I’d have no problem introducing myself as Dr. Karen Hamilton, 46 year-old brain surgeon or 46 year-old Nobel Prize recipient, Karen Hamilton.

But put them together - 46 year-old (read, middle-aged) homemaker - and the image that comes to mind ranks up there with dirty dishwasher or gravy congealing on a plate after unwisely responding in the affirmative to the question, “Do you want gravy with those fries?” We know these entities are among us but we’d rather not spend too much time dwelling on them.

Ironically, in our not so distant history, it was a fine and noble thing to describe oneself as a homemaker. My 1960’s youth was spent watching many a game show with contestants who proudly declared themselves to be homemakers. (“Well Monty, I’m a homemaker from California and I’ll take Door Number Three!!!”)

Of course, considering that most of those women either became addicted to tranquilizers or flew the coop in favour of burning their bras or campaigning for local office as soon as they had their consciousness raised, it does cast some doubt on just how fine and noble a calling theirs really was.

But today’s middle-aged homemakers are different than that.

For one thing, many of us don’t actually do housework. There is a segment of the homemaker population that is not only fortunate enough to have the money to stay home, but can also afford to have, well, homemakers. This elite group busy themselves instead with such engaging pursuits as Xtreme wine decanting, attending fund raising events and brightening the day of less fortunate women by regaling the minimum-wage workers at the mani/pedi salons with stories from the aforementioned fund raisers.

Then there are the “traditionals".

No tossing a Betty Crocker bundt into the oven for these gals. This breed of homemakers would make the Galloping Gourmet giddy ‘up right out of town in embarrassment with the delectable fare they serve their families every night. That their homes are spotless goes without saying. For that matter, so are their husbands, their children and their SUV’s and mini-vans. These are confident women who are successful regardless what they set their hand to. Currently, it’s homemaking.

Finally, there are the rest of us who do our best despite our lack of money and talent. We know the wisdom attached to the phrase, “Good enough!” when it comes to cleaning our homes. Our cooking skills may not be on par with the likes of Martha Stewart but at least we haven’t served time in a federal prison. And is it such a bad thing when Friday afternoon finds us chatting in the backyard hot tub with our fellow homemakers, deftly tossing rubber ducks at the kitchen window to summon our children to bring us another bottle of wine? At least we’re home with the kids.

No, 46 year-old homemaker just doesn’t convey who and what I really am.

Like most of my friends, I feel the same way inside as I did twenty odd years ago. In many ways, my friends and I are better than we were back then. We’re sexier, more savvy and in better shape than ever. We have way more confidence and are finally starting to embrace life with a “take no prisoners” kind of flare.

I ponder all of this as I wait my turn. Maybe it’s the Advil kicking in but after a while I start to feel proud and defiant. Let the world see us as homemakers, middle-aged, and invisible but we know who we really are and we’re not going to let some out-dated stereotypes stand in our way.

I complete the New Patient Information form with a flourish, just as the dentist calls me in. As I get settled in the chair, he peruses the form. “So Mrs. Hamilton, I see here that you’re 46 and a . . . stripper?”

Karen Hamilton is the publisher of The Best Kept Secret, a weekly newsletter for women 40+. She is also a freelance writer with publishing credits in national newspapers, both local and national magazines, and several websites. Like the proverbial Seinfeld of the perimenopause set, Karen writes a weekly column about the minutiae of midlife in her humorous column found at The Best Kept Secret blog.

Related articles:
What Would Oprah Do?
Brains on Humor: The Self-Improvement Plan

Brains on Humor: It's 5:00 p.m. Do you know where your sense of humor is?

Laughter is a physiological response that's triggered by the brain. During laughter, the epiglottis constricts the larynx, restricting our ability to breathe. That's why a really good joke can sometimes seem pretty dangerous -- but thankfully the breathing instinct always wins in the end. So grab your glass of red wine and get ready to laugh, chortle or giggle as you enjoy Karen Hamilton's Self-Improvement Plan.

Related Article:

Remember the acronym WWJD -- What would Jesus do? -- the phrase that became popular in the 1990s as a reminder to act in a manner of which Jesus would approve? Somebody made a killing on fashion accessories emblazoned with WWJD.

After reading my friend's article entitled, "The Hypothetical Reasonable Woman, " I'm contemplating buying some thread and fabric and hand embroidering "WWOD" -- What Would Oprah Do? -- on friendship bracelets as a reminder to act in a manner of which Oprah would approve. You do know I'm laughing. Right? Seriously, though. I bet I could make a killing.

Grab a cup of tea, or if it is after 5:00, pour yourself a glass of wine, and sit back and enjoy Karen Hamilton's witty take on "the hypothetical reasonable woman who wouldn't agonize over whether to buy the black pair or the silver pair of sexy, strappy sandals. They're on sale. She'd buy both."

The Hypothetical Reasonable Woman
By Karen Hamilton

By far the most useful class during my years at university was a business law course offered in my final term. It was there that I met the hypothetical reasonable man.

A bit of legal fiction, the "reasonable man" represents what a reasonable person would do under a particular set of circumstances.

Though originally intended for crimes and misdemeanors, the reasonable man so captured my imagination that I began applying the construct to my young-adult life as the hypothetical reasonable man morphed into the hypothetical reasonable woman.

Sometimes the hypothetical reasonable woman wins out - "The hypothetical reasonable woman wouldn't agonize over whether to buy the black pair or the silver pair of sexy, strappy sandals. They're on sale. She'd buy both."

But sometimes I give in to my baser self - "What would the hypothetical reasonable woman do? Eat a healthy salad for dinner and get a good night's sleep or tuck into the McSingle Woman's Happy Meal (popcorn and Chardonnay) and watch Sex And The City reruns until the bottle runs out? No contest there. Pass the clicker and find the cork screw."

As the years have gone by I've come to rely on the hypothetical reasonable woman whenever I don't know what to do. She's become particularly indispensable in my 40s when I sometimes question my behaviour. Is it proper or perimenopause?

Situation: Comment to husband that favourite black pants must have shrunk at cleaners. Husband responds - "Or maybe you've put on a couple of pounds."

Hypothetical Reasonable Woman: Ponder possibility that perhaps husband is right, make a healthy dinner for the family and resolve to get back to the gym.

Blatantly Insecure Perimenopausal Woman: Fire back snappy reply "Look who's talking, donut boy", run to bathroom and spend next fifteen minutes alternately weighing self and observing self in mirror while sucking in stomach.

Recently, I've even added a new level of moral rectitude. Now when a questionable situation arises, I go that extra mile and ask myself, "What would Oprah do?"

Putting myself in Oprah's stilettos for a few minutes, I'd guess that if Steadman ever suggested the lovely Ms. Winfrey were packing on the pounds, she'd be hauling him in for relationship counselling with Dr. Phil faster than you can say, "The Secret". She'd begin a diet journal and invite like-minded endomorphs to come on the show and share in her journey.

The hypothetical reasonable woman model (or, if you've feeling particularly virtuous - step it up to What Would Oprah Do?) can be applied to all sorts of midlife situations.

My recently divorced friend, H. who is back on the dating scene after twenty-odd years uses it all of the time.

Situation: Join new computer dating community and post picture and profile.

Hypothetical Reasonable Woman: Get hair done, put makeup on and hope for the best. Write witty, funny and truthful synopsis of self. Be open to all suitors - you never know what form your prince charming will take.

Blatantly Insecure Perimenopausal Woman: Select picture from seven years ago before gravity reared its ugly head. Lie about age in hopes of attracting younger, and in her opinion, sexier men.

What Would Oprah Do: Make plea to the universe that the right man comes her way. Call in army of "friends" for marathon session of health and beauty makeover.

While at times she seems a little bland, the Hypothetical Reasonable Woman is a friend indeed at those times when you just don't know which path to take. She's a kind of decision-making auto-pilot when we just can't see the forest for the trees.

And remember you don't have to follow her directions every time. For those situations when you're absolutely clear on how to proceed, helloooo Blatantly Insecure Perimenopausal Woman!

Karen Hamilton is the publisher of The Best Kept Secret, a weekly newsletter for women 40+. She is also a freelance writer with publishing credits in national newspapers, both local and national magazines, and several websites. Like the proverbial Seinfeld of the perimenopause set, Karen writes a weekly column about the minutiae of midlife in her humorous column found at The Best Kept Secret blog.

Cheers,
Beckie

au-then-tic, adjective

not false, or copied; genuine; real

not counterfeit or copied

Some days you get it just right. From the clothes you put on to how your home looks to the kind of work that you do, you're comfortable in your own skin.

And then there are the times when nothing seems "to fit." There's a disconnect between who you really are and how you're living, what you're wearing or the kind of work you're doing.

What would you say, in moments like that, if someone offered you a guide? Wouldn't life be easier if you were given crystal clear insight into what makes you tick and how you can use that knowledge to live an authentic life in everything you do just by answering questions?

You have the opportunity.

Style Statement by Carrie McCarthy and Danielle LaPorte is a powerful take on style and authenticity that cuts across all aspects of your life.

Through their consulting business McCarthy and LaPorte have helped hundreds of men and women discover and apply their unique style statements. With the release of their book, they're handing you the key to discover your own.

What is a style statement? A two-word phrase that defines where "your essence meets your expression." The first word, your foundation, represents 80% of who you are. The second word is what motivates and distinguishes you.

Karen Hamilton, publisher of The Best Kept Secret, a newsletter and resource for women over 40, spoke by phone with CarrieMcCarthy recently at Carrie's office in Vancouver.

Karen: How did you and Danielle create and develop this idea inthe first place?

Carrie: I'm a former interior designer. I found I was becoming more of a "dictator" than a designer. Clients would ask me, "What's the new, hot style?"

I didn't want to create projects that were about me; I wanted to get to know my clients more. So I developed a questionnaire and called it a Style Statement. It became a very successful and popular tool.

I was introduced to Danielle and did a Style Statement with her. We just clicked. Eventually we launched our business.

Karen: What are the benefits to someone having a personal style statement?

Carrie: Life has more ease. There is clarity and ownership of who they are. When you're authentic, choices are made with more confidence.

Karen: Take us through the process.

Carrie: In our consulting business, interviews are done on the phone. We have clients all over the world, even as far away as India and Australia. A session lasts 90 minutes. The first 45 minutes is spent in an open-ended question and answer session. We then take a 15-minute break while we review the material that was generated. Finally, we call the client back and give them their definition – their two word Style Statement. We look at the science behind it and discuss how the client can use that information.

The book takes you through the same process.

Karen: Tell us about the two parts of a Style Statement.

Carrie: Over the years, we've compiled a list of 40 words that are foundation words – your 80%. We found early on that 99% of people fit one of these words.

The 20%, the second word in the Style Statement, is your edge.

Karen: The women who will be reading this are primarily in there 40s and 50s. By this stage, one would think they have a pretty good handle on what they are all about. Will they be surprised by what they learn about themselves as they read your book and work through the questions?

Carrie: We found that most of our clients fall into one of two camps.

The first group are men and women who are totally blown away by what they learn about themselves. They often liken it to going for therapy.

The second group we call the "tweakers". Their Style Statement becomes absorbed in their lives and it becomes more absorbed as time goes on.

If you apply it and pay attention, you will get the benefit.

Karen Hamilton: Once we determine our Style Statement, how do we use it in our lives?

Carrie: We help you with this by giving you a tool called the Lifestyle Map. It shows people how they can use the spirit, look and feel of their Style Statement words in their homes, in their work and in their look. The map is a foundation for creating wish lists and to-do lists in your life.

To learn more about Style Statement, Carrie McCarthy or Danielle LaPorte, visit their website.

Karen Hamilton is the publisher of The Best Kept Secret, a weekly newsletter for women 40+. She is also a freelance writer with publishing credits in national newspapers, both local and national magazines, and several websites. Like the proverbial Seinfeld of the perimenopause set, Karen writes a weekly column about the minutiae of midlife in her humorous column found at The Best Kept Secret blog.